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Wed, Jul. 8th, 2009, 10:57 pm

Hi everyone! Im kind of umm nervous, it's my first time posting here. I just wanted to know if anyone would have some advice for me or if you've been through something similar as me? I kind of feel like nobody in my life understands what i am/have been going through and my weight issues have really been taking a toll on me.

Basically i went through about half a year of eating about ONLY half of the calories i need per day(or basically just 3 teeny tiny meals a day and i restricted EVERYthing that was "junk food") so I lost weight really quickly. My parents and some of my friends noticed I looked really sickly and my parents brought me to our family doctor and when she told me that im pretty much anorexic, thats when it kind of hit me - oh crap I need to really gain a little bit of weight. Basically, my family doctors comments started up this huge binge eating thing for me. My weight is already not very high because i had a kidney disease when i was younger, so i wasn't allowed to have a lot of milk and things with calcium(because of high phosphorus content). And so I did gain weight, i went out to eat every day at lunch time(in school) and ate all the junk I could get my hands on. Chocolate, icecream, fried stuff, and I ate until i was so stuffed and absolutely FULL that I couldnt move. I did this because i felt so much pressure from everyone that I absolutely had to gain TONS of weight. According to BMI, my normal healthy weight was very underweight already so I guess i felt even more the need to gain weight to get the doctor off my back. I gained over 25 pounds in two weeks and I know it doesnt sound like a lot but to me it definetely is, and it was really not a healthy way to gain. At first i tried gaining weight "healthily" by eating things like nuts but it got out of hand and I just kept eating until I basically couldnt bring myself to eat anymore. I constantly binge ate and.. yeah.

Now, I still suffer from it and its getting to the point where the excessive eating(even though I KNOW im not full) is really affecting me. I can't sleep because i feel too bloated, i feel terrible all the time because I look bad, and I just feel uncomfortable all of the time and I try to stop eating that extra stuff but at the end of the day i just end up binging on a ton of food. And I just wanted to know how to get myself back on track. I really dont know what to do, my friends dont support me(they judge me or laugh it off when i tell them its really affecting me negatively.) Doctors/nutritionists tell me no i dont need to lose weight again and that i need to gain even more - but eating so much everyday is so uncomfortable to even the point where my sides and stomache ache and are sore. And I dont know where to turn anymore really. I just kind of want to give up and call it quits for life sometimes because of all these eating issues I have.

Im already very well over my original normal healthy weight before i started that terrible crash diet and im scared my binge eating is going to keep going up and out of control. I want to have control over this and have a healthy normal relationship with food but I just dont know how to start it. I tell myself oh i'll have this, its low in calories and healthy! But then later in the day I just go "screw this im having this icecream, and these crackers, and chocolate.." and ack. Im just in a really big rut and dont know how to get out. I dont know how to stop this binge eating cycle.

Thank you guys so much for your time, and if this is too wordy I can most definitely put this under a LJ cut if you wish. I wasnt sure if I should or not. Any helpful tips or really, anything, is so appreciated.

Thu, Jul. 9th, 2009 05:19 pm (UTC)

I am also a recovered anorexic who eventually developed binge eating disorder. I don't really have any good advice for you, since I'm struggling with something quite similar; just wanted to let you know you're not alone in this. <3